It has often occurred to me that I have a stubborn will. I have given God more than just a little resistance when it comes to conforming to His image. More often than not, it seems as though I kick against the pricks. I have no desire to lose 'myself' and become another cookie cutter version of a the Christian wife and mother. How do I remain my silly sarcastic self and still honor the Lord? How do I successfully couple a walk with a holy God and a love for art, music, and movies? This can be quite the challenge.
Even while writing this blog and reading the Bible today the Lord had to nearly scream to get my attention. To get me to stop, to consider, to soak in the moments of life. There is a lesson in every moment of your day, good or bad. You just have to take the time to listen for them.
It came to me while making breakfast, one of the few meals I can actually cook without messing up-scrambled eggs to be exact because in my eyes, it is impossible to destroy something that is by design 'scrambled'.
This revelation had absolutely nothing to do with the eggs and everything to do with the cracked shell . In order to begin a meal for my hungry and ready to jump in the snow babies, I had to break the shell. I had to change the form of the egg and make it into something new in order to meet a need. The Lord, our master 'chef', has been 'cracking eggs' for a long time now. The more I fight Him, the more I try and hold on to this sense of determined individuality , I realize I am wasting the Lord's time and my own. I am literally telling a chef how to make an omelet when I have no business doing so as I cannot cook to save my life!
In many ways we are like that egg....we need to be broken in order to be used effectively. I need to spill the contents of my sinful self and cast it to hell just as the contents of the egg spills to the hot frying pan and is transformed into something edible and nutritional. Through the fire we must go so many times until we realize we are fighting against the inevitable.
So why the cookie cutter heading? It has been a goal of mine, a stubborn fleshly goal I may add, to never lose myself in my walk with Jesus. For me, it is crucial to maintain some sense of uniqueness amid the mass of ladies who would call themselves Christians. Ladies I am honored to call sisters in Christ. It stands to reason that if every cookie looks and thinks the same, what benefit would that have for the greater good? But what if that is exactly what He wants me to do? What if my 'self' is not really my own but what this world has molded me into? What if who the Lord desires me to be is a wonderful merriment of the way He created me and the way He wants to mold and shape me? Today I am allowing myself to be cookie dough in the hands of the master chef/baker. After all, who is this identity that I so boldly hold on to? Who is this Jennifer that cannot and will not allow the Lord to purify her? How can I expect to be a blessing to anyone else if I refuse to let Him shape me? So Lord Jesus, poor me into the mold today. Because I am convinced that even the mold is specific to the individual 'cookie' and that this cookie will have some cracks and maybe a few places that are overcooked but all in all, the cookie will serve its purpose, and will be sweet :)
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2
Who are you conforming to today? The world, or the Lord? Turn on the radio and hear the world's music and without choice you have begun a dance with the desires of the flesh, quite the contrary to the spiritual walk the Lord desires of us. Watch a movie that conveys a message contrary to what you know to be true about our faith and set yourself back ten paces. Log onto your computer without first consulting the inspired word of God and you are going into battle without weapons. (A few of my mistakes indeed.)
Each day as a mother I engage in a constant battle with stubborn wills. Take for example, the crying child who wants to venture out into the snow in pajamas and boots only. We look at him and go 'are you serious? you will freeze to death , get sick, get hurt, the list goes on. But all the child sees is a fresh opportunity for freedom and exploration. The Lord our Father is looking at us with that same raised eyebrow and listening to our whining with the same consideration as we do the irrational child. But unlike us, he always: KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR HIS CHILDREN. Plain and simple.
Child, why are you fighting me when I have your best interest at heart?! Why do you press towards the fire when I urge you that it will in fact burn you?
Let the Lord lovingly dress you in 'layers' before going out into the 'snow'. If you truly do not see the logic in His direction , go to Him in prayer, He will not let you down.
"See honey, a hat for your head, gloves for your hands, thick pants for your legs, a jacket...this all keeps you warm so you can go out into the cold and play" ... "Oh Momma, so my fingews dont fweeze? Okay I will" Eyes widen, smile broadens. He is beginning to understand ...and so am I
I am Jesus whom thou persecutest; it is hard for thee to kick against he pricks. Acts 9:5
Don't wait until the Lord has to blind you as He did Saul. Keep your eyes open to what the Lord wants you to see and in that way remain a teachable and modifiable dough, ready to be used for the baker's purpose.
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